On today's very special edition of
GIRL CRUSH
Courtney Love
(frontwoman of Hole, solo artist, poet, actress, model, feminist, style icon, weirdo)
'I'm not a woman. I'm a force of nature.'
- Courtney Love
For as long as I can remember, I have been a giant fan of Courtney Love. From the tender days of my pre-teen years, I can recall watching Listed on MuchMore Music and seeing this woman everywhere from best videos of the 90s to best female rockers to best rock ballads and most tragic rock love stories. This programme featured clips of music videos and interviews interlaced with pop culture journalists and enthusiasts discussing memorable moments in music history, and this woman featured prominently on many of said lists.
'I might lie a lot, but never in my lyrics.'
- Courtney Love
From these brief images of a howling, cursing, strung out yet powerful woman, I became intrigued in her personal history, and I began exploring the music which seemed to be constantly overshadowed in the media by her startling drug-addled antics and the tragic suicide of her husband Kurt Cobain, who was a musical legend in his own right. To pass over a long story, I fell in love with her band Hole, and they are still my favourite band to this day. The music itself ranges from noisy post-rock to rhythmic grunge to guitar-driven pop, and Courtney's lyrics spoke to me in a way music aimed at my demographic never could (Ashlee Simpson, Avril Lavigne, read a novel for once then get back to me). Her words were angry, confrontational, bitter, melancholy, and often very challenging, and I felt I could relate to the pain and frustration she exuded as she moaned 'Someday you will ache like I ache' and 'Oh, just shut up - you're only sixteen'. The fact that she had been repeatedly accused of playing music written by her husband angered me, as it was very obvious that while Hole had similarities to Nirvana, Courtney was no mime. She had things to say and opinions to shout and speakers to straddle in her quest for musical domination. I understood the skepticism - this is, after all, a woman who taught herself to play guitar at the age of thirty, and who had to overcome a miserable childhood and a youth defined by a career stripping to make ends meet - but I felt it was unfair that nobody aside from myself could see that she was the real deal.
'I used to do drugs, but don't tell anyone or it will ruin my image.'
- Courtney Love
Though Courtney has unfortunately come to be more well known in recent years for her unpredictable and self-destructive behaviours, she has maintained the intelligence and sense of humour which made her appeal so much to me in the first place. As you can tell from the above quote, she has a strong sense of self-deprecation, and she remains strong despite having been forced to deal with her inner demons in a highly public forum. Her Myspace blog is one of the most poetic, interesting, and confusing blogs I have ever followed, but it is filled with humour and humanity in a way very few other celebrity blogs are. With Courtney, what you see is exactly what you get, scabs and scrapes and all, and she is not afraid to admit to her mistakes and pull herself up and try again time after time, a trait which I consider to be highly admirable.
'I don't need plastic in my body to validate me as a woman.'
- Courtney Love
Finally, and quite importantly as we are speaking of crushes here, after all, Courtney had an alternative sense of style which strongly appealed to me as being delicate, feminine, but also wickedly bad-ass and purposely messy and casual. Her kinderwhore sensibilities (think short babydoll dresses, messy curls, hairbows and barrettes, dark smudged lipstick, chunky shoes) were highly appealing to a teen frustrated with the status quo of jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies her peers seemed to be permanently prescribing to. I wanted to wear lace. I wanted to bleach my hair. I wanted to take a guitar and teach a crowd of whiny girls and sexist boys what was what, and I wanted to do it while looking like Courtney. She was tough; she was ragged, but she was also beautiful. In recent years, she has lost a bit of her round-faced charm (having lost a ton of weight and quite possibly gone under the knife - forgive her, she's getting older), but she remains fashionably relevant in a Versace-heavy, heroin chic wardrobe, and I can honestly say that I will probably never get over my fixation on her early 90s style.
'Being offended is part of being in the real world.'
- Courtney Love
Despite seeming like she would be a less-than-ideal role model for a young girl attempting to discover herself as a writer/feminist/fashionista, Courtney has had an overwhelmingly positive influence on me. She made me realise it was ok to be aggressive and outspoken and unapologetic about my opinions. She made me want to be creative in all areas of my life due to her fantastic work in both music and film (see The People vs. Larry Flynt if you don't believe me), and she opened up my eyes and ears to all the beautiful things I could achieve at any age in my life. Courtney knew that anything is possible, and she may not be perfect, but realistically, I think she had a much larger impact on me due to being interesting and challenging, and I will always be a Hole fan. Love might last a day, but mine is forever. and I will always be in love with Courtney Love.
'You gotta be able to change worlds.'
- the intelligent, talented, wonderful Courtney Love
Happy birthday, Courtney.
CURRENTLY READING: Then We Came to the End by Joshua Ferris.
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